LORDY LORDY LOOK WHO'S............(don't you f*kkin' say it.........)

That's right kids, in less than four months, yours truly turns the big 4-0.

Where has the time gone?
It's seems like just yesterday my kids were in diapers, I was starting out my new job and buying my first house. Of course the reality is that all of these events were about 13 years ago.

But now, I'm going to beginning the fourth decade of my life and I'm no where near where I thought I'd be.

When I was turning 21, and when I'd give a shit about where I'd be in life twenty years down the road, not once did I figure on being divorced, working a dead-end job and NOT doing anything with my music.
But on the flip side, now that I'm "that old", I didn't think I'd still find cartoons funnier than hell, enjoy playing D&D with friends, and thinking "Goth chicks are HOT".

Maybe it's just me, but when someone would turn 40, it'd be said they were "on the downslope" and thus they would show signs of being a "responsible adult".
But for me, it's like the only way to tell how old I am is to cut me in half and count the rings.

I have to admit, sometimes I do feel guilty (for lack of a better word), for not having really grown up, at least in my interests.
I mean, just because I can waste a couple hours watching 'toons with my kids (ok:sometimes alone), or read a comic book, doesn't mean I'm not a responsible adult.
I mean, I've owned my own home for going on 13 years now,and never been under the threat of foreclosure.

I recently saw an ad on a dating site from a woman that was looking for a man who "had given up the video games, cartoons, and comic books" and was ready for a real relationship. (It's almost like she knew I was coming!).
But who says you can't enjoy the simpler things and not have a healthy relationship with someone? (I'm sure there's SOME one, but they don't count).

On the one hand, I suppose being "childlike" is an advantage because it gives one an 'edge' when connecting with one's children.
But the down side is no one seems to take you seriously.

Story of my life.........

About a month ago, I went to an area music event.
I gal I'd met several years ago at a friends' wedding, decided she was going to come up and meet up with me. (we live about 3 hours from one another).

Now, she's someone I'd kept contact with through MySpace, and I'd always found her interesting.
That night, (this would be the first time we'd been face to face since the wedding)we hung out and got to know each other quite well.
Naturally, I became interested in her.

A few weeks would go by after that night, and for whatever reason, she stated she wasn't interested in dating, but would love to hang out again. (we both love gaming, and she was happy to finally find someone she could talk about (our mutual interests) and not have that person glaze over).

Most recently, she bought a house, furthering the fact that there will be no chance in dating.

SO, I meet a girl that actually has the same interests as I, is VERY interesting to hang around with, but will NEVER be anything more than someone to talk with.

Another four months and I qualify for a "Born-again-40-year-old-virgin"

*sighs*

why ARE exes the way they are?

Now, I've taken occasion to rant about the shenanigans my own ex-wife has pulled, but over the past few years, I've heard stories from others that make me wonder "wft?!".

I have three friends I keep in direct contact with that each have their own "ex" to deal with.
Whether it be an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend (doubling as the mother of their child), or a boyfriends ex-wife, each provide their own "horror-story" that never ceases to amaze.

The one constant between all of us is that there are children involved.
I am a father with my ex-wife, my friend is a father with his ex-wife, my other friend is a father with is ex-girlfriend, and my last friend lives with her "common-law" boyfriend who is a father with HIS ex-wife.

In each situation, the mother creates a situation that is not only frustrating to the father, but more than likely for the children as well.

So why do they do it?
Why are they so one-sided in the way they do things against the fathers?
Is it because there is so much animosity between them, that their judgment is clouded?
Or is it because they know that there is no governing body that will challenge the mother of a divorced situation?
And for that matter, why are courts so reluctant to intervene?

Something needs to be done to make things more balanced in divorce cases where children are involved.
Society has allowed the mom's in a lot of cases to come way out on top and the dad to play catch up for the rest of his life, and children to be exposed to situations that are more detrimental to the development and maturity of them that it's no wonder the state of the world is as it is.

Rejuvenated? Kinda............

This past Saturday was the second time I’d not only been "out on the town", but was seeing some damn good musical groups. And for the second time I couldn’t help but think about my own musical prowess, or lack there of.

Growing up I was heavily into playing whether it be self-taught guitar, performing with the school orchestra (yea:I played the violin..........so?!), or even learning to play the banjo. (I’ll wait for the laughter to subside)

Not only had I performed in front of audiences with the orchestra, but on one occasion during High School and several out of H.S. with various bands. I loved being on stage.
I loved being part of a group "giving" music to appreciative (and one not so) audiences.

But as I grew older things began to subside.
I still had (and still have) my many stringed appendages, but as time grew on, those appendages began to lose their ability to perform.

And when I became a dad things really suffered.
I was with a group of friends and were in the midst of putting down some tracks of originals, but with the frustration of trying to get the recording guy to actually be at the studio when he said he would, and having a new family at the same time, something had to give. Unfortunately, it was the music.

Fast forward 13 years.
I still have my axes, having added to the clan, my fiddles, which are kept in their cases, and even the 5-string-er.
But it feels like too much time has passed, too much has changed for me to be able to pick any of them up and produce a coherent sound.

My orchestra days are definitely over.
I never could really capture the "fast and furious" bluegrass fever that had captured my attention almost 30 years ago.
And when I pick up an axe, it just seems so........bland.

I never got myself past being a kick-ass rhythm player (if there is such a thing), and when I go to see live music, especially when there’s a guitar player that’s almost half my age, I’m reminded of what could have been if I’d only kept up with it.

I keep my guitars on their stands in the hopes that if I actually see them on a daily basis, something inside will click, and I’ll put the strap over my shoulder and proceed to fill a couple of hours just playing.
In over a year and a half, it hasn’t happened yet.

But I’ll continue to take in and support those local musicians and hope that someday in the near future something will actually "click", and I’ll be back where I feel I belong: giving music to an appreciative audience (or several!).

Miley Cyrus:Role model or Disciple of God?!

Over the weekend, Nickelodeon hosted it's 21st annual Kids' Choice Awards.
With no surprise, Miley Cyrus was the big winner taking honours for favorite female singer and television actress.

Now, I'll admit, I'd watched "Hannah Montana" with my kids on a few occasions and yes this girl does indeed have talent.
A decent actress and possessing a great singing voice for someone her age, she had recently been quoted as saying she was "a good role model for kids".
I'd agreed, up until I heard she was quoted during her acceptance speech as thanking "my lord and savior Jesus Christ".

If you want to be a good role model, people should remember you for your actions, and not so much your words.
However, by using this quote in front of millions of impressionable children, it's nothing more than a form of pushing your ideals on others. And isn't that what religion has mostly been doing for thousands of years?

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here (thank you Dennis Miller), but religion is nothing more than a bunch of stories that people take to heart. Which to a certain extent is ok I suppose.
If you want to believe that a woman got pregnant with out any physical help from a man, fine.
If you want to believe that a man once parted a sea hundreds of miles long and hundreds of feet deep, so be it.
But if you want to tell me that yours is the only religion to follow and if I don't I'll spend the rest of my afterlife in a purgatory of unimaginable horrors, well then we have a problem.

Now, before you go off saying "I bet he's never set FOOT in a Church or even know what 'we're' all about", hold on there Skippy. Let me 'enlighten' ya.

My Father is Lutheran and my Mother, Presbyterian.
Growing up, they never really pushed either religion on me, but let me choose my own path. As a child, when visiting my Grandparents, we'd attend mass.
Later in life, I'd have the occasion I'd go to a Catholic service now and then.
But when I was in High School, I'd experience my first negative experience dealing with "The Church". (and no:it had nothing to do with an alter boy and a priest).

I was seeing this girl (uh oh......here it comes), and she talked me into visiting her church with her.
I forget the denomination, but that doesn't really matter.
A short time passed and her mother found out I was attending "her Church".
Well now, this didn't set well with the "woman from the old country" and during one service she sat behind me and harassed me threatening to "call the police and have me removed".
She did this quietly enough, but after the service ended, the pastor approached me and asked what had transpired.
After telling him, he asked me to join him, and one of the "Elders". (yea.....this is getting good).

So there the three of us sat. In the office of the pastor in a triangle formation.
I don't exactly remember how it came to be, but there I was beginning to have a makeshift "confessional" whereas I was asking forgiveness for creating turmoil in this girls' mothers life!

Ok, say it with me now:WHAT THE HOLY HELL FUCK??!!

The next time I actually set foot in a Church was several years later when my now ex-brother in-law had his son baptized.

This, I believe, was a Catholic Church.

The part that stands out for me most is the way the congregation 'acted'.
It was a large, modern church. You know, the kind you see on television with the televangelist speaking his rederict on "stage" and all the sheep in the crowd lapping it all up.

Anyway, I guess there's part of "Catholic rederict" where the Father/Pastor/Preacher (whatever) recites scripture and the congregation answers with remembered text. In a way, it's kind of neat getting everyone to remember the same dialog time and time again.
The part that KILLS me is how they speak.
NOT with heartfelt emotion.
NOT with any passion in what they are saying.
But in comparison, anyone ever seen Star Trek:The Next Generation?
More specifically, anyone familiar with "The Borg"?

These people respond to the "Leader" in a monotone, unwavering single voice!
There is no distinction of singularity. No individuals.
You'd think if these people believed what they were saying, I mean, really BELIEVED what they were saying, they'd put forth some sort of effort into it!

I guess my point is this: while people of prominence can be considered a role model, take care in listening to what they actually say.

Ok, so that's not really my point.
Maybe I have no point other than another opportunity to rip up on the Catholic Church.

But good golly miss miley:be a role model, but watch what you say!

Death. It's so............final..........

For those of you who don’t know, my family suffered a loss:Squeak has passed away.
What sucks is he was only six months old.

Being a grown man (says so on my drivers license) losing a hamster should be no big deal. But it seems, it’s getting to me more than I realized.

See, it started out that my boys’ cousin’s hamster was about to have babies and she offered each boy a baby.
Their mother said it was up to me being she didn’t want "a rat in her house".
Of course I said ok.
Turned out that only one hamster was to be had by both boys, which was ok with Austin.
So even though he was supposed to be the boys’ pet, Dad ended up caring for Squeak.

It was rather enjoyable tending to him (I hadn’t had a pet since I was a child).
I fed him, cleaned his cage, and ’entertained’ him.
And it was nice coming downstairs in the morning, to be greeting by Squeak waiting for his morning food.
And over a short period of time, I found myself wishing him a "good morning", or telling him "see you at lunch time" and even saying "night Squeak" on a nightly basis.

Tonight was the first night in six months I’d not been able to wish him a good night, and it kinda bummed me out a little.

I’ll miss ya little buddy.

Tattoos and you

I currently have three tattoos and I already know four more that I want to have done in the near future. But if you ask my mom, I've already got three more than I should have.
The funny thing is, I'm going to turn forty this year and my mother still tells me her opinion on stuff like this.

Basically, her outlook is "you don't want to be an old man with tattoos all over your body, do you?".

So, ok, it's a valid point. But, do you think when Ozzy was getting his tattoos, he thought about how he'd look when he got into his 80's? (on a personal note, I think a lot of us are surprised he's lasted this long!).

Or what about Kerry King?



The man has tribal artwork stretching from each side of his head to each arm.
Do you think he's really worried about how he's going to appear to others when he gets older?

Everyone has their own reason for getting inked.
In 19th Century Europe it was fashionable among some sections of the upper class to have discreet tattoos, of family crests and other aristocratic emblems.

I recently read an article that had this quote:
"For some women, the most popular explanation of the motive for getting a tattoo is about "reasserting control over your own body". In a Western world where body image, plastic surgery, anorexia and the depiction of women is a topic of daily debate, tattoos represent a different current of thought."

So it's about personalization. It's about self expression. It's about doing something that you actually want to do. It used to be considered taboo, but now it's become so mainstream, that even Ozzy Osbourne is to have told his daughter, Kelly, 'If you want to be different, don't get a tattoo '.

It seems that our generation has been introduced to something that, having been around for centuries in some form or another, has become more acceptable among mainstream society.

I for one look forward to being put in an "old folks home" surrounded by other old fogies that are all inked up. It might actually bring a new type of "rest home" where there truly is no rest for the wicked.

Join me by rolling your D20 in tribute......

July 27, 1938 – March 4, 2008

another loss to the music world

I'll just let the story speak for itself:

TORONTO - Blind rock and jazz musician Jeff Healey has died after a lifelong battle against cancer. He was 41.
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Healey died Sunday evening in a Toronto hospital, said bandmate Colin Bray, who was in the room with Healey's family when the guitarist died.

The Grammy-nominated Healey rose to stardom as the leader of the Jeff Healey Band, a rock-oriented trio that gained international acclaim and platinum record sales with the 1988 album "See the Light." The album included the hit single "Angel Eyes."

Healey had battled cancer since age 1, when a rare form of retinal cancer known as Retinoblastoma claimed his eyesight.

Due to his blindness, Healey taught himself to play guitar by laying the instrument across his lap.

His unique playing style, combined with his blues-oriented vocals, earned him a reputation as a teenage musical prodigy. He shared stages with George Harrison, B.B. King and Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Bray said he and many others expected the guitarist to rally from this latest illness.

"I don't think any of us thought this was going to happen," Bray said. "We just thought he was going to bounce back as he always does."

Healey had undergone numerous operations in recent years to remove tumors from his lungs and leg.

Bray and fellow bandmate Gary Scriven remembered their frontman as a musician of rare abilities with a generous nature and wicked sense of humor.

Healey's true love was jazz, the genre that dominated his three most recent albums.

His love of jazz led him to host radio shows in Canada where he spun long-forgotten numbers from his personal collection of over 30,000 vinyl records.

His death came weeks before the release of his first rock album in eight years.

"Mess of Blues" is slated for a North American release on April 22.

He is survived by his wife, Christie, and two children.

It just takes on rotten egg.......

Saturday Night, I actually went out, again, in public!
An area DJ service played in an area tavern.
I'd never heard this particular 'service', but their reputation for putting on a "good time" preceded them.
Once inside, I was surprised by the crowd.
The age ranged from "appearing to be just out of High School", to "well past retirement".

I must say, it was crowded, the music was loud, but man what a great time!
That was, until my "party" left.
It was around 12:30 or so I think, and the couple that I was with made it outside the door a few moments before I did.
Once outside, I spotted a woman to my left, sitting on a bar stool, who appeared to be crying, with a small group of women consoling her.
"Must have gotten dumped" was my first thought.
It wasn't the first time I'd seen a woman crying towards the end of the evening at a bar. But something was different this time.

I immediately noticed another small group of people to my right and just up
by the sidewalk a male was on his knees, 'tossing' snow into his face while a woman knelt beside him, aiding him.

My friends yelled at me to "come on man!", and when I caught up to them I found out someone had JUST sprayed pepper spray in the vicinity of the front door to the establishment.

Details are sketchy after that fact due to speaking to different people the next day.
But the bottom line sounds like a "well known female trouble maker" was the culprit.
Why she did it, or if she had a specific target is unknown.

Now, I want to stop there and comment that I rarely get out, but then I do, I expect to have a good time.
The past few times I've gone out have been in the smaller area bars.
Sure, you expect to see the guy who's sloshed out of his mind trying to dance or the shit faced girl hitting on someone's boyfriend.
But to have a psychotic spraying toxics just for kicks?
What the fuck?!
When I go out, I want to have a good time, knock a few back, maybe check out a few good looking women (without actually interacting with them......cuz I'm a nerd), but NOT have to worry about my safety.
But I suppose that's the chance you take.

As of today, no charges have been filed, yet.

Once upon a time........................

I can remember a time when things in my life were much, much different.
So what has happened?
Where has "that guy" been hiding all this time?
Which pair of underwear should I wear today?

I can actually remember when I was happy. Truly happy.
You know that feeling you get when your standing on top of a plateau, with the wind gently blowing through your hair, your chisled body glistening in the sunshine all the while a thousand naked virgins throw thawed out mackerals at you?
Ok, so maybe you don't.
My point is, we all have a period of our lives when we are in a state of bliss.

And then one day, you wake up and that feeling is gone.
Your plateau has crumbled to the ground.
Your hair has fallen out.
Your chisled body has become renovated by the local landfill, and all those virgins are no longer 'pure' and are throwing frozen grouse your way.

It can also be compared to how an animal is taken from the wild, placed in a "controlled environment" and is now public entertainment.

Things have got to change.
They simply must in order to do more than just 'survive' the daily grind.

So now, I am forced to decide to actually MAKE 2008 "great".
If I don't, I am not doing anyone any good:not me, my family, friends, or those I am sworn to protect in the fight against scum and villinany.

If only I could get the dry cleaners to stop putting startch in my tights.

It all makes perfect sense now.......

For years, I've felt like something was off with me. And now I know the cause of my being out of sorts........

Who could imagine a world where ONLY Big Bird could see the Suffalupagus,......

Who could imagine a world where ANYBODY living in a trash can on a city street could be justifiably Grouchy,...

Who could imagine a world where two grown (closeted?) men could live in a downstairs apartment on an city street in NY and occasionally get on each other's nerves,...

I am a 39 Year-old Victim of Sesame Street,....

I am emotionally scarred by the experience,....

Jesus,.... we all really need to get over ourselves,.... It's friggin' Sesame Street for crying out loud.

I love old Marx Brothers movies, and cringe at some of the old 'Happy Negro' song & dance scenes in them,... but would rail against their being removed from those movies.

Revisionist history will bite us all in the ass at some point.

*gets off soap-box*

sage advice

yesterday, someone told me "all you gotta do is lower your standards, find some woman to move in with ya and 1/2 your bills are taken care of!"
sad part is, they were serious.

just another rant

I've worked at the same company for 11 years now, and never once (along with others that have worked there for longer) received a raise based on merit.
The raises I have received started out as "department" or "positional bumps", but not soon after, the lessor employees will receive a wage increase to "keep up with the times", thus in effect negating my "wage bonus".

Well, it has happened again.
The company president, in the name of "remaining competitive for employees", has bumped the starting wage up another 30 cents. Of course in the onset, this is dispersed amongst the entire shop (which incidentally consists of only 30 workers).

Now for the downside. Insurance is going up as well.
He didn't really explain it very well, and most of us are able to read between the lines though he doesn't give us that credit, but with the rising costs of medical care, we are being increased by almost 110% payments.
So, in a nutshell, while my weekly take home has increased by a mere $8, my weekly health payment is increasing by nearly $32.

Being a single parent with only one income (having not acquired a mate) is becoming increasingly hard.
While I want to be able to provide a decent lifestyle not only for myself but my children when they stay with me, I'm beginning to wonder how much longer I will be able to.
To add insult to injury (on a personal level), my younger son informed me that while his mother and stepfather recently had to get rid of their German Shepard (for allegedly biting a neighbor lady), they just yesterday "bought" (simply because I don't think she has the moral tenacity to "adopt") a pure bred Schnauzer and a cat.

Must be nice to have four incomes while the day struggles to stay ahead of the game.

I'm close to going off on a rant here but I will restrain myself.

HOW DOES HE GET AWAY WITH IT?!

For years, one question has bothered me to the point of sheer madness:are the people of Metropolis just plain dumb?

Clark Kent was born Kal-El on the planet Krypton.
Upon learning of it's certain demise, Jor-El sent little Kal-El to Earth so he would be spared and perhaps live out a fulfilling existance.

Learning he had special abilities under the power of a yellow sun, Clark soon began honing his skills in an effort to fight injustices of the world and protect the Earth from all who would harm it under the mantel of "Superman".

Of course, he had to continue to blend in with the "natives", thus continuing his secret identity of "Clark Kent".

Now, for other super hero's, keeping an identity secret is not a problem.
Their costume usually includes some sort of mask, hood, or cowl, thus concealing from the rest of the world who they really are.
This is very effective in protecting not only themselves from harm, but loved ones and co-workers alike.
But not Clark.

His secret identity simply consists of a pair of glasses, and slouching a bit.

Allow me to demonstrate:



Ok, so, can you tell that it is actually I in both pictures?
Does the addition of a pair of glasses distract you from the possibility that I could in fact be the Man of Steel?
(ok, so, actually I'm Batman. But for the purpose of this blog, I have donned a different personae to prove my point).

There are either two possibilities: Either the citizens of Clark's home town are all morons, or, in sending little Kal-El to Earth, Jor-El secretly sent along small pathogens altering Earthlings perception of the obvious.

I'm sure this subject will continue to confound those who pursue it.
But for now, I must remain diligent in my quest to find out just what is at work here:stupidity or germs.

weird-ass dream

It takes place in a parking lot/alley surrounded by tall buildings.
There's like ten or twelve musicians: half bass players, half guitarists including Brian May. And Paul Williams is the singer. (I know:Mr. "Old fashioned love song" singing "We are the Champions" is a little bit of a stretch, but it's my dream.).
Of course, we all have stacks. And with the surrounding buildings, the sound is freakin' incredible!
So we're jamming on everything under the sun, until Paul suggests this 'little ditty', "Nothing but a Good time", which oddly no one knows. (btw:C.C. is in rehab or something, because he's not there).
So I start the opening riff and everyone starts filtering in.
Pretty soon we're filling the area with what sounds like a Poison rock opera.
It's phenomenal.

And, of course, on the ending note, my allergies take over and I wake up.
fukkerbitch.

I wonder what the meaning of THAT dream is?

Iowa= the new Seattle

It has rained here for the past seven days in a row!

What I did on my summer vacation..........

This is the second time in something like 15 years that I've taken a "real vacation".
Two years ago, and again this year I went to my uncle's home with my boys and mom,
(Dad couldn't coordinate his days off with mine, but we're hoping for next year!).

Again this year, my aunt and uncle along with their son (my cousin) were able to come up from Texas. This year though, Blair had a traveling companion of his own:his fiancée. (she really is a terrific gal. he's one lucky guy!)

It was great seeing family again, after a long hiatus.
Another reason we were going down was to bring back a riding lawn tractor my uncle was giving to my mom.

The trip down wasn't too bad, as it's only about a four-and-a-half drive, and there's ALWAYS something interesting to see.

I've enjoyed going to my uncle's, as it's out in the country, but doesn't feel like it's in the country.
Sure, he's got his own fishing pond, and a butt-load of acres, but this is no farm house.
He's worked long and hard to accomplish what he has, and I'm proud to have him as my "wealthy uncle".

The best part of the trip is just seeing everyone again.
Until two years ago, I hadn't seen my Texan relatives in about 18 years, and only a few years less for my Missouri clan.
To see how my cousins have grown is just mind blowing, (my uncle's wife pointed out one evening after dinner, that I held the distinction of being the "eldest cousin". I'm not sure how I feel about that!).

And now that the youngest of all of the cousins is getting married, it just seems like yesterday I saw this little bugger in diapers. Well, in actuality, the last time I'd seen him he was in them.

I look forward to the future, being able to reconnect to family, and watching the family grow.

OCC Invades North Iowa

Today, I took the boys up to see a creation of the boys from "American Chopper" and got some shots .

The Teutuls were hired to create a chopper that runs on E85.
This creation is touring North Iowa promoting the use of the ethanol blended fuel.

It seems that an episode of "American Chopper" this fall will showcase the build of this bike.
For more info on the bike, click here.

and so it continues........

Maybe it's just the season, but I'm feeling more and more lonely.

I try so hard to actually get out and do things (I wanted to go to a few local bands over the past week, but just didn't make it), but I've never been good at going places by myself, let alone introducing myself to new people.

I think I've got this preconceived notion that being 38, I have to ACT 38, whatever the hell that means.
I realize that my maturity level is about what it was about 10 years ago. I just don't feel I've grown up any.