..........know when to fold em

Ok, so, I've posted rants about online dating in the past, and at the risk of beating a dead horse, I offer up the following that I hope will be the last time I have to say anything on the topic.

Online dating is a farce.
Situations are created by a lack of being able to detect one's motive or actions solely based on what you read in those little chat box. Case in point:

I'd decided I'd send a 'flirt' to a gal on a site primarily based on her proximity to me.
Yea, she was easy on the eyes, which didn't make it a hard decision, but the fact that she was only an hour away made me throw caution to the wind and extend the hand of friendship.
Upon chatting, we seemed to hit it off pretty well.
She has a wonderful sense of humour, and got my personality quite nicely.

We found out that we were both looking for the same thing:meeting someone nice, that didn't live too far from us in the hopes of finding "everlasting love". (ok...I think I threw up in my mouth just a little bit)

Because of her living arrangements, she could only get one weekend a month to herself, which I figured "ok...............", and was willing to roll with it.

*note:it would be about a month before we could even think of meeting in person

Within the first week or so of chatting, she told me she was taking her profile off of the site we'd met on, and made a rather large mention of it.
I thought it was kinda sweet and decided I'd follow suit. I'd was in the process of deleting my profiles off the various sites I'd had, but hadn't gotten around to this one yet.

So another week or so goes by, and things were getting kinda hectic for me, which would make getting online to chat with her tricky, so I'd sent her a message (as she wasn't online at the time) telling her I'd be offline for a few days.

That weekend, out of boredom or something, I decided to go back to the site and do just a basic search. Call it sadistic curiosity.
Upon getting the results, I noticed that she had put up a new profile 'in search of dating'. hmmmmm

I thought about it a bit, and decided "ok, this gal is playing with me, and I don't do mind games".

I then decided to call her on it by sending what would end up being an offline message (as again she wasn't online) basically stating that I was confused by why she would resubmit a profile and I wasn't about to compete for her "one weekend dating window". So I wished her well and signed off.

A few days passed, and while online, she messaged me.
She said I was trippin' and the only reason she put a profile back up was due to the fact that she hadn't heard from me for a few days and decided I'd either met someone or just wasn't interested in her any longer. hmmmmmmmmmm.

*note:hadn't I sent her a message stating I wouldn't be online for a few days?

Whatever. Maybe she hadn't gotten that message as sometimes messenger services lose messages. Ok. I can buy that one. So, once again, she took her profile off the dating site, without my even asking mind you.

So we chatted for the next week, and once again, I wasn't going to be online for a few days, which I let her know, (this time during a chat).

Well, turned out, I ended up being online (not in a sneaky way or anything. It just ended up that I wasn't doing what I thought I would be doing to prevent me from being online for the weekend).

So, once again, due to morbid curiosity, I did a basic search on that site and guess what? Yep, her profile was right back where it was before.

Ya know that old adage "fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."?

This time, I sent her a basic "thanks for playin' the home game" salute all the time wondering "why is it I ALWAYS pick the whack jobs??".
Because it seems that mostly people that are lonely, pathetic, jobless, carless, and basically social misfits spend their time in online dating sites.

And yes, I realize I fit into that category somewhere, so please don't accuse me of being a hypocrit. That subject is for another entry.

So this time I get a message from her saying that I'm the one that's trippin' and how she doesn't need someone like me playin' games. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

So I ask you:do I trip over nothing, or am I better than reading a woman's actions better than I'd ever given myself credit for?

All I know is that while some people think that online dating is the 'way of the future', I have found through trial and error, (resulting mostly in error), that unless both people have an understanding of each other, it ain't gonna work.

People have to be able to read one another and trying to do that in a little box through typed conversation can not and will not work.

Just go back to dating the way it was meant to be done:find a woman you like, bonk her on the head and drag her back to your cave.

Some days are good.......some bad

This Memorial Day weekend, some friends from High School had invited me for their annual camping/boating weekend.
They chose a local some distance from where we live and have a self-contained "men's camping trip", and this year I'd planned on going.

They'd approached me last year, but as I had my children, combined with the fact that I'm an inexperienced camper, I declined.

As the weekend excursion neared, plans were being formulated and it was sounding like a good time.

Greg and Dave had taken their home built canoes and engineered them into a catamaran setup that proved to be entertaining, at least, to watch them sail.

Sonny and Darin would join them with canoe/kayak in tow and I would bring my kayak.

Camping would be on an "island" set up in North West Wisconsin.

I'd finalized my preporations and had my car packed and ready to go after a quick nap after work. But my decision to go would be influenced.

I found out that a local friend of mine shot and killed himself that morning.

In itself, that news was troubling. But the rumour that accompanied it was even moreso.

I shouldn't go into it, as being just a rumour, it's best not to fuel such a beast.

Needless to say, the circumstances surrounding his past few months closely mirrored my own during the breakdown of my marriage. And news of his end brought back memories of the choices I'd made some six years ago.

There surely will be future trips to go on, and I hope that my friends will understand my choice not to join them.

Rest in peace G.
Rest in peace.

TWO! TWO! TWO posts in ONE!

Today, a couple things happened that prompted me to make a combined post, as alone, neither one would fill up too much space.

FIRST:
It's official; I am an asshole! (pause for uproarious applause).
Since my taking a coordinating position, some of my co-workers have been less than pleased. But today was my first "direct experience".

I'd walked into the breakroom before first bell to get my daily caffeine boost.
Later, even before first break, a gal that still talks to me told this to me:
"(name withheld) said you were being an asshole."
"Say huh?"
"When you walked in this morning, I commented 'Raymond doesn't look too happy today."
"And?"
"(name withheld) said 'Oh, he's been an asshole lately.'"
"I have?"
"That's what she said. I wanted to ask her if there was a side of you that I had missed this week!".

So, basically, this woman's view of me has been tainted by the fact that I've accepted a position that may or may not even work out. But whatever.
Unfortunately, the position will NOT allow me to write disciplinary warnings. rats.


As for my second subject, my ex-wife's grandfather passed away last night.
She called this morning to let me know (as she'd been keeping me apprised of his health), and to let me know about visitation and the funeral.

The visitation happens to land on a day that I have our boys.
She asked if I would forfeit the time so they could go to the visitation with the rest of the family. Of course, I said yes.
She then offered tonight as time with them. Again, of course, I said yes.

About an hour before my scheduled return time, she called, asking if I'd mind dropping them off at her grandmother's house, as that's where they'd be.
By the end of our short conversation, I got the feeling she was wanting them earlier than I was to bring them back. I 'called her' on it, to find that I was right.
I offered 1/2 hour earlier, as we were just finishing supper, and thus allowing the boys to have some "down time" before heading back.

Now, since our divorce, I've been overly accommodating to her requests, sacrificing my time with the children.
I didn't feel this an arbitrary request, so we left early to take them back to their mother.

Hers is a large family, and it seemed they were all there.
Mind you, I was a part of this family for nearly nine years.

We pulled up, and she popped out, walking the boys over to her car so they could put their personal belongings away.

As I pulled away, I asked her when the visitation was again.
"Thursday" she said, hesitantly.
"What time?" I asked politely.
"Well........." she began,"It's from five until eight. But it'd be appreciated if you didn't show up."
As she said this in front of our children, I simply said "ok" and "see ya tomorrow" to the boys.

What pisses me off is that first off, who the hell requested I not even go to the visitation??
I was part of this family for over eight years, got along famously with the now passed on grandfather, had gone to her cousins wake a few years ago,(in which her aunt and cousins sister BOTH hugged me at once), bent over backwards to make her life easier, and am now being asked not to pay my respects??
wft??

I understand that there remains friction between myself and my ex-wife (mostly caused by her inability to not only grow the hell up, but move on from the past) and her parents, who happen to be a drunk and a control fiend, (oh yes......it's all on now kids), but the rest of her family is more than cordial when we happen upon one another. Some of her family STILL doesn't understand why the hell she left me for some ancient,decrepit ex-cop (oh wait.............retired cop pension) who played with popular band back in the early 70's.
WAKE UP PEOPLE! He played with the group for a month................that's probably 2-3 gigs at most!!

But I digress.............

The fact is that a member of my previous extended family has passed away, and will be missed.
May he rest in peace, and his widow carry on with strength in family.

Gloom, despair, and agony on.........................

Not me!

After going on ten years, the company I work for is rearranging the internal infrastructure (the CEO's wording, not mine), and I've been asked to take on a product coordination position. It will mean even more responsibility and a higher pay rate.

Hooray.

My posting is not for congratulatory comments from my fan (lol), but to speak on the narrow mindedness I have to deal with in my co-workers.

About two weeks ago, the CEO approached me on the shop floor with his thinking I would be an asset in the newly created position. He told me a bit of what it would entail, and asked me to think about it for the next week or so, and then we could meet again and talk further. (cue leering looks from co-workers as if to say "I wonder what's going on with Raymond")

The following week, the CEO asked to meet with me in the office, where we spent about fifteen minutes talking more about the new direction he was wanting to take management. (cue more judging eyes)

I'd said I'd thought about it and it seemed a viable idea and may be willing to undertake such a daunting and daring task. (He's kinda laid back, and I can speak with him in this manner)

This was on a Thursday. By the next morning, rumours began to circulate that I was the new Supervisor. The thing that pisses me off is not that people jumped to their own conclusions about my meeting with the bigwig himself, but that now, the people I'd worked along side of for many years, joked with, been out to drinks with and other small gatherings, were now not speaking to me. On top of that, there was a certain silent belligerence whenever I was in the area. wtf.
Only a couple of people actually had the tenacity to approach me with the rumour, asking if it was true or not (not that I'd tell them as ours was a confidential meeting), and the two people that I am closest with still, were privy to comments like "well, HE doesn't know everything" and "no matter WHO had that position, we aren't going to work with them".
I'm not a hard guy to get along with, really. T

The fact that a large percentage of the workforce happens to be older females fuels the setup for having a lot of gossip occurring on the shop floor. It's a wonder we get anything done at all!
I mean, if they aren't surmising how much someone makes compared to them, they're attacking the work ethics of another.
I say, you'd better look in the mirror before you point your finger at someone else.

Over the weekend, I thought about what had transpired by the resulting treatment and comments/sudden silence and decided that the new position wouldn't be worth the effort. Besides, management has commented that I'm probably the most efficient person they've had in the position I hold right now.

Monday came, and still the scorn continued. But I held my chin up as always and just did what I was supposed to do.
People were even more silent than before, if that's at all possible. And Tuesday wasn't much better.

That night, after collecting my thoughts, I wrote a very professional letter to the CEO respectfully declining his offer and gave key generalities as to my decision.

Today, the CEO was scheduled to come to the plant and was planning on announcing the revamped personnel. He also was given my letter of intent.

Of course, he wanted to meet with me. (cue the gossip lines!).
He said, "I read your letter, which by the way, was one of the more professional letters I've read," (cue self patting of back), "but, at this time, your request is denied".
Say which?
He continued,"After reading your letter, I realized that I've got the right guy for the job".
Really?

Over the next hour,which I'm sure was just driving the masses CRAZY with speculations, he and I chatted about my concerns that there has been no discipline for those who just arbitrarily leave work, using vacation time, when they run out of work in their own department and don't want to go to another, and other management concerns.

In the end, I think we came to a mutual understanding and respect that should allow for going forward in his new vision.

Afterwards, he had a plant meeting in which he announced productivity in the company, his new idea for improving communication, quality, and hopefully promoting growth of the company.
Then came the announcement followed by what I found to be an inspirational speech on how he was NOT going to put up with gossip, innuendos, and the general lackadaisical attitude that had been going on.
He reminded them (I avoid saying "us" because I'm the victim here!) how they are adults and not junior high kids and should conduct themselves accordingly.

That was brilliant, in my view.

So it will be a few more weeks before implementing the big change, and while I'm still nervous as to the "in's and out's" of what my new enhanced job will be, I embrace the challenge it invokes.

Without change, we eventually curl up and die.

Needless to say, I've requested, and probably will be getting a cattle prod.

you like me! you REEEEEELLY like me!

Ok, so, I've ranted about online dating before.
I've also ranted about how there are entities that get hold of your email addy, mostly Yahoo addy, and solicit you in the form of a Russian woman that woos you until the day she asks for money for a visa to come visit you and spend the rest of your lives happily ever after.

Well, this is another along the lines of the latter, due to the fact that I've been "entertained" by another lovely lass.

As always, it starts out innocently enough:you receive an email from a Russian woman, seemingly in their mid twenties.
They will speak of how poor of a lifestyle they have (even though the young woman is dressed in 'today's finest'), they've lost one or both of their parents,they work for mere peanuts a day, but somehow have come acrossed your profile and just HAD to write.

Within a few emails (even if you DON'T respond, they still write as if a dialog has been opened!), they start to fall in love. By this time, they've enclosed a picture here and there of themselves. Nothing pornographic (yet), but just a lovely picture of said woman amongst some trees, flowers, on the beach, or holding their beloved pet.

Now, I've gotten such emails. Several over the past few years,but the latest created a sense in me that makes me feel somewhat unsafe online (see above picture).
This time, the woman in question not only sends me two pics of her naked, which by they way the pictured girl has BOOMIN' body, but sends me this picture of proof that she is real.

While I have no doubt that this girl is a real girl, somewhere, one can clearly see somethings not quite right with the paper. wtf.

Why do people feel the need to prey on us single, lonely, and usually horny men for a few hundred dollars?
Why do they feel the need to use the fact that Russian (and Asian) women are among the most beautiful women in the world for minimal monetary gain?

Yes, I find both Russian and Asian women very beautiful.
That doesn't mean I want some anonymous pictures and sweet words from someone I will never meet!
I'm not that pathetic.